Almost Died Last Night|
Posts - Social/Legal - 032701)
I go to bed last night, 12:15ish, and as I'm drifting
off to sleep I'm thinking "hmmmm, my blood sugar
might be a bit too low, I better eat a little more. Having
been a juvenile-onset diabetic since the age of 5, I have
to inject measured doses of insulin (twice per day), eat
food in measures mating to the insulin doses, adjust
both insulin and food based on factors such as exer-
cise/stress/other medications/illness, and monitor said
activities to try to maintain a blood sugar level that
maximizes the chances for minimal health problems,
realizing that to do so requires staying close to a level
that increases the risk of insulin shock and, as some-
times happens, death."
So, I get up and start meandering towards the kitchen
and ... stumble ... whoah ... clunk ...
Well, I tripped over a box/Macintosh monitor and fell
onto a platform for a chair that was missing its cushioned
back. Now, the platform consists, in part, of 2 metallic poles
sticking straight up to a level just short of my crotch. I fell
with about 170 pounds of weight onto one of the poles and
that pole landed within a fraction of an inch of my windpipe
trachea, at the tip top of my breastbone. Had I landed just
a fraction of an inch closer to my windpipe, my windpipe
may have been crushed - not sure ...
Now, had my windpipe been crushed, I may have passed out
or I may have made it to the phone, but even if I had made it
to the phone and dialed 911, I would not have been able to
speak and only an ability on their part to trace the call and get
here quickly would have saved me ...
As I'm currently unemployed and rarely see visitors, I estimate
that it would have been 2 or 3 days before the postman might
have noticed a malodorous aroma and perhaps by this Friday,
preparations would have been made for my funeral ...
Anyway, I'm very sore right next to my windpipe but I'm very
much alive and, funny thing ...
That particular event, per my illusion of choice perspectives,
cannot have been different as we're assessing a past event
and past events (past nows) are inevitable. That particular
event was, on a last 3.5 year scale (disregarding all that
happened prior to the last 3.5 years, for the sake of brevity,
but understand all that happened prior to the last 3.5 years
is also at play) a result of (in brief) ...
- Finding a particular job
- Responding to an ad for furniture, with one of the items
purchased being the item of furniture upon which I came
close to being windpipe-crushed on
- Being laid off (2 weeks ago)
- Boxing up and moving a large number of items from my
office to my house
- Getting angry as a result of being laid off and releasing/
expressing that anger in the form of striking quite a few items
around the house, one of them being a chair that I happened
to knock the cushion back off of
- Stacking up items around a doorway to try to block my
cat into a small hallway so I could catch him and attach a
- Giving an amount of insulin and eating and being exposed
to life activities in such a manner as to result in my blood
sugar not being as high as I would like, or as safe as I feel
comfortable with, before going to sleep
- Reacting to that low blood sugar by getting up to get some-
thing to eat, walking towards the kitchen, and ... well, gravity
and physics and luck (bad, good, glass half full/half empty)
then enter the picture ...
Now, that's a simplified version of the flow, and innumerable
alterations in that small list could have been made (had I known
then what I know now, like with some ability to see the future)
to have resulted in a different outcome, but every item in that
list, items not included in that list, and vast items before all of
those items, were the result of all that has been in the flow of
the eternal now.
Sure, we can talk now about how "this" or "that" should or
should not have been done, but the point is, those things
were done, cannot now be changed, and all we can do is talk
about them "as if" they could have been different. That's a
healthy exercise when it comes to deciding/acting in the future,
but it's of no use regarding the past, as the past is inalterable.
The remnants of the chair are now in the garbage (better late
than never) and I'm happy to be alive. For reference as to
the nature of the inevitability of past events that happened in
the eternal now ...
The Amazing Illusion of Choice
The Inevitable and Eternal Now